When Love Hurts

On the days before your marriage

On the days before your marriage it is important that you come to a better understanding of what love is. Love is a key to a satisfying life. . .you notice that I did not say "happy." Your love and your happiness are completely unrelated. The truth is that the more you love the greater at times will be your sadness.

The first thing to understand is that God is Love. He is the essence of love. Therefore, if you do not truly know God you will never understand love or be able to love in the way that God has designed. As God is. . .so love is! This is a point worth stressing because todayís culture has cheapened the meaning of love to an emotional feeling. Love however is not a feeling and it remains unaffected by emotional mood swings. Love is a choice. Part of a decision to follow after and to be more like God. Love is the choice of our heart that is accompanied by deliberate actions and decisions.

When are feelings fail God, in His mercy, has given us a clear guide in 1 Corinthians 13 to measure our love by: Love is patientĖunderstanding of and forgiving of the otherís faults. The King James Version of the Bible uses a better word, "long suffering." It is easy to become impatient with our spouse when we feel he is not trying to be better, or if he has selfish motives for his actions. We need to turn our face to God and recognize our own sin and faults. It is Godís great patience that allows us to live and breath.

Jesus tells the story of the man who was forgiven much

Jesus tells the story of the man who was forgiven much, but forgave littleĖfor this failure to have patience and show mercy, he was chained. All of us have been forgiven much, we should be all the more eager to forgive quickly those we love.

Together with patience is our need to show kindness. Patience and forgiveness needs to be supported by kindness. Patience without kindness will lead to grudges and feeling sorry for yourself.
Love doesnít envy. It always feels happy for all the that good that befalls another. In this case not just "another" but your husband. . .his successes, his victories. Even the times that he is proven right, and you are shown to be wrong, love does not envy or is jealous.

Love is completely unselfish

Love is completely unselfish. It is not "I want" but "let me give." "Let me give to you, my husband, completely of myself, my understanding, my selflessness, my kindness, my loyalty. . . Let me put aside thoughts of myself and do everything in your best interest." It is important to understand that love does not expect or need reciprocating. Husbands are commanded to love their wives, but your love should not be based upon his love for you, nor his love on your love for him, but rather the love that both of you share should be based upon Godís unfailing love for us.

Perhaps the most important and least remembered aspect about love is that love does not fail. Regardless of changing circumstances, situations, responses, or attitudes. Love is able to conquer the frustrations and prejudices that it encounters.

You must love each other through the power of the spirit and through the knowledge and love of God or your feelings for each other will only be a shallow copy of the real thing, that dissipates with changing circumstances.